I want you to know that this is NOT an ex-wife reference in the title.  This is the story of two male friends who have their own unique view of Valentine’s Day.  One is married; the other is single.  Two totally different backgrounds and situations, but they share one component.  Fear. 

 Friend #1.  “Ray” is my married friend who has been spending WAY too much time watching reality shows and TV magazines.  He recalls the story of the woman who set up a payment plan with the hitman.  Man murder on a layaway plan.  No interest.  Literally.  But, the episode where the soccer mom poisoned her husband got to him.  Me too.  My former spouse and I have a very amicable post-divorce environment.  I always say that it’s better for the kids that way.  But the truth is, I proceed with caution.  When Jill smiles as she fixes me something to eat,  I have to ask myself, “do I feel lucky?”  Is that pea soup?  Or potato with a hint of anti-freeze?  Here, taste this to see if it’s too hot.

Friend #2.  Now here’s the single perspective from “Rick.”  He’s over 40 and never been married.  Ring finger untouched.  And he’s not a bad looking guy either. He’s just being practical.  (That’s what he said.)  But most ladies don’t care for his matter-of-fact approach.  So when he’s announcing that February FIFTEENTH marks the beginning of Open Dating Season, the women don’t necessarily come running his way.  His fear?  If he IS in a relationship at this time of year, he recognizes that the Valentines gift and/or the dinner may not be up to her expectations.  He keeps both eyes open.  Perhaps he needs the subtle reminder of that romantic rock climbing trip she’s planned may have some glitches.  And perhaps the opportunity to FALL out of love in a Rocky relationship.

Finally, there’s me.  I’m boring.  And broke.  But safer.  I think.    

In my never ending quest to be a pest...of little-known-and-even-less-cared-for facts, I have something for the women, AND the guys to digest before the Super Bowl.  OK ladies first. Women's Health picked some phrases to learn in order to impress your man.  Be careful how much knowledge you throw out there. You may give the impression that there's another "coach" in your life!  Just sayin'

• Fair catch: A truce of sorts, allowing a punt returner to signal that he will not attempt to advance the ball after catching it, provided that the punting team agrees not to rip his head off or take his legs out from under him immediately after he does so.
• Encroachment: A term for when a defender enters the neutral zone and makes contact with an opposing player before the start of a play. This is subject to a 5-yard penalty.
• Bootleg: A type of deceptive running play designed to momentarily freeze the defense into thinking the quarterback has handed off the ball to a running back, when in fact he has kept the ball and concealed it on his hip and rolled towards the sidelines, after which he will either attempt to run with it or to pass it.
• " . . . And long":Usually refers to a distance of more than 10 yards that remain to be covered for a first down, as in "third and long," meaning that it is third down and long yardage.
• Backfield: The area of the field that begins approximately 2 yards from either side of the line of scrimmage, just beyond the neutral zone. It can refer to a group of players who line up in the backfield area, or to the area itself.
• "Did he maintain possession?": Ask this if it's unclear whether the player who caught the ball held on to it when he hit the ground after getting piled on by a bunch of guys from the opposing team. Make sure you yell this immediately after the play, before a call is made by the ref.

THE AVERAGE GUY AND THE SUPER BOWL (Men's Health)

• 7.5 million: Number of Super Bowl parties held each year, more than any other at-home party
• 141.4 million: Number of Americans who watched Super Bowl XL (nearly half the U.S. population)
• 126 million: Number of Americans who voted in the 2004 presidential election
• 1,200 calories: Average calorie intake during a Sunday football session
• Potato chips: The most popular football snack, accounting for 27 billion calories and 1.8 billion grams of fat on Super Bowl Sunday alone
• 20 percent: Increase in antacid sales on the day after the Super Bowl
• 13,333: Number of NFL linemen, at 300 pounds each, it would take to balance the 4 million pounds of fat consumed from potato chips alone by Americans on Super Bowl Sunday
• 10 feet: Depth to which the 43.8 million pounds of avocados consumed on Super Bowl Sunday would fill a stadium
• 1.5 million: Number of television sets sold the week before the Super Bowl
• 30 million: Pounds of five popular snack foods Americans consume on Super Bowl Sunday (11.2 million pounds of potato chips, 8.2 million pounds of tortilla chips, 4.3 million pounds of pretzels, 3.8 million pounds of popcorn, and 2.5 million pounds of nuts)
• 28 percent: Increase in number of fatal heart attacks among men on days when their football team lost at home.  Surgeons, start your scapels!!

First off, allow me to wish everyone in our listening area a very happy Ground Hog's Day.  Just so you know, the first thing this morning, I looked in the mirror and saw my five o'clock shadow, so that means 6 more weeks of cheesy comments. 


I told that to this to a co-worker this morning and he asked, "Is that ALL we get?  Promise?" 

Well let me give you the update. The rather high-tech PA groundhog TEXTED me ... and thousands of others around the country  ... that he did - in fact - see he was IN the shadow of Newt Gingrich.  That means nine more months of political battles.  

Truth is about Groundhog Day...I like Phil.  He thinks like me. Case in point, his sense of humor. He texted "Last one to a PA Ski lodge is an OPOSSUM!"  (rim shot)

 CHECK IT OUT: http://www.soberfebruary.com/-- This website's goal is to encourage people to abstain from alcohol for the month of February. According to the site, "This isn't your chance to sit at home by yourself and finish your nerd projects, nerd. Half of the challenge is to stay social and get out of the house in the dead of winter. Go to concerts, comedy, movies, parties, and yes even bars."  The say you can order Diet Coke or water...and STILL have fun. Granted, THIS may be kinda tough with Mardi Gras coming up. But remember, February IS the shortest month, so it's the best time to try it.

Paging Charlie Sheen! And Lindsay Lohan!  AND...

Make some room for the BEARDED BEANIE…I think I recall Murphy Sam and Jodi talking about this around the holidays, but this was the first time I actually SAW this yesterday.

You’ve no doubt heard the saying, “there are no bad ideas.”  Well that statement needs to change as of today. Actually before that. I would like to apologize in advance for the slamming any FB advertiser, but this idea is just plain STUPID!  This BEARDO idea (their term) should be placed on the cutting room floor with the sharpest scissors you can find so it can be cut to shreds! 

Apparently, Canadian writer Jeff Phillips came up with this crazy idea for the holidays a few months ago. I don’t know what’s worse; the look…OR the fact that this knitted facial fuzz is selling like crazy.  Pretty sure it’s a tie.  Remember the good ol’ days when we laughed at the Clapper and Chia pet?  Well, the Bearded Beanie is now the standard by which all dumb gifts will be judged.

Catch this quote from Jeff.  He says on the FAB.com website, “we know you’ll enjoy our functional designs as much as we do.” Well, that’s accurate for me.  I was looking for a really stupid idea storyline for my blog today, and I just hit paydirt this morning.  Thanks Jeff!